the new term for farting is butt boxing.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This baby is an asshole
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
