I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
