The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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