do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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