you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
