Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
