So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
