Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
