He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
