A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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