I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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