you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
