apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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