Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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