I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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