I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
