Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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