Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
