Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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