this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
