I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
