You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can text with my tongue
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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