If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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