i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
