I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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