DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize