We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
