if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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