I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
