Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize