You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
