If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
