worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
