just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
