Me. At least after what I've been through.
I cannot find my penis.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im holly from the hills drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
