She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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