so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
