two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
