She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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