I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
