Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
