...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
