Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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