I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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