So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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