I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
