he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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