I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
