If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
