that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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