its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
