Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
