Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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