But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
