Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
