What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
