finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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