New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
