Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
