So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
