So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
