What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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