is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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