Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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