vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
