I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
