I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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