Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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