Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
