i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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