hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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