she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
