We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
