is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
