No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
