he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
