so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
