we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
