i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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