You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
