Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
