Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
where does the pee come out of this thing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
