could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
