We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I FOUND THE LEGS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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