I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
